I read the Iowa Caucus today. And I thought to myself, is there any other political system as watched as the United States? Who will be the president? What are Americans thinking? Do they finally understand?

And then I think about how the majority of Americans know no other political system. Nothing about what French socialists are up too. Or who Chavez is and what the King of Spain said. Some do of course. Some who’ve moved here from their home countries or those who’ve found some interest for some superficial reason whether that being well educated or simply to impress someone.

But their children will forget. And they will know their Empire. And nothing else.

But is this unnatural? What citizen would not be interested in their own politic. Why would I be interested in any other? What about the Empire do you not citizens find fascinating. Why do you persist on criticizing. How does this really affect you?

Are you interested in Burma? What about the ordeal of the Falklands? And you then have to wonder if any of those country’s citizens are as interested in the politics of their counterpart halfway across the world. What is so fascinating about us?

We lived in an ideal. A country that has been able to beguile the world. One that has celebrities, and technological marvels. One that has innovation and opportunity for fortune. One that most know through movies and dreamed about life. A fantasy of fantastic proprortions. And like every ideal, it will fracture. Yet, we all, watch and play the part of the birth of the next stage of civilization.

And yet like so many who passed, we now live in the midst of an Empire know to mankind by any other name. Freedom is illusory but its semblance is convenient. We can watch TV and drive cars. So we watch, apathetic of the world.

Convenience.

Yet we do live at a time when man has never been more free since he first gained self awareness. Nothing thats been as bad as ever is now. Which means we are advancing. To possibly reach the heights of absolute freedom, from fear, from inhibition, to be as we were born. Naked.

I hope to God we get there.

Pray for me

I really wish I could write about my life a bit more and the goings on. But I do get caught up with stuff. OK enough of that.

Lets see then. First lets start since, March. My ex and I had gotten back together for awhiles but I increasingly found myself feeling unhappy with the relationship. So we decided to mutually end it and remain friends. I thought everything was cool, and I have to say felt so much more incredibly happier than I have felt in a while, feeling as though I had been set free. From there it was just a great month, all with work becoming more enjoyable, getting my own team, and having fun.

Unfortunately I found out later that my ex still had some issues with me. I guess she’s not there yet to be OK with things (so to be diplomatic, I think I’ll say I’d be patient with it). Found out a few things about her, and then ran into her in a bar. Didn’t say a word which was a bit hard, considering we had common friends. I think I can understand that it may be uncomfortable for awhiles and I’m OK with that. I did feel horrible for our common friends having to feel akward about the whole situation. In a way I wish there was no strange tension, but I figure time and patience will sort things out.

Then I managed to head to Tahoe with a bunch of friends and have a blast. Apparently a few people there had much more of a blast than the others (from what I remember… Sarah! heh).

Then I ended up going again, but this time with Work friends. That was an absolute blast!

After that my good friend Faizi threw his wedding reception (great guy got married to a beautiful girl named Sarah) on a boat! Talk about exciting . However an unfortunate event occurred and the party had to be cancelled early. My heart and thoughts go out to you guys.

Now I got plans for the next coming month(s) happening. First off I’ll be headed to Chicago (never been there before!) for my room-mates bachelor party. Can’t wait for that! Then I’m headed for a crazy weekend in Vegas. Then I’m headed to Argentina (for work!).

After all that I have more plans for June and my upcoming birthday! Man this summer is going to be such a blast. All I have to say is bring it on!

I have to wonder sometimes, about how rare it is to make that connection with someone. What always starts off as cheerful banter, witty dialogue ends with something so painfully disastrous. Is it fear that always comes in the way?

A long time ago I realized something. I don’t want to be scared anymore. I don’t want to be afraid of where my life is going, if its not going in the right place, or what happens to me. No more fear about my career, loved ones, or what will happen to me. I found it to be liberating. Like throwing off long unnoticed black iron shackles that had weighed me so far down I could never see what was truly above. And once removed, I found the view to be absolutely breathtaking.

I meet people, dear to me, who constantly live in that fear, and I wish I could say to them, to tell them, to look at how beautiful things are. And only to see the beauty. But now I know that is never the case. There is too much pain for it to be fully ever ignored, and with it fear. And no matter how much I can convince someone for the time being to look beyond, even for a moment, habitual behavior causes dissension and that beautiful moment is dissolved into routine. As if a person cannot live without that fear.

I’ve only met a handful of people with a thirst for life. Some more intense than my own. They are always the interesting ones to be with. I find them to have people who wish to partake in their lives, but only for the moment, even unknown to themselves. They fall back into their own patterns they have defined eventually.

It takes a leap of understanding to be able to analyze yourself to such a degree that one can recognize the faults within. I’ve only been blessed with the occasions a few times. Most people feel fully justified in their lives to never even give it a second thought.

Yet I find myself trying to change and change others to be like that, and to wonder if their recognition of liberation would mirror the exhilaration I first felt when I saw mine. But that never really seems to happen.

So like the rest, I participate in the lila of life and feel like I’m watching, at other times engaging an imperfect world. With a new outlook and a new mindset, I find humor in the tragic, happiness in the eccentric, and love in what’s forever lost.

Wow, its been awhiles. I really need to get back to posting. Lets see where to start…

Well I broke up with girlfriend. That was pretty heart breaking, but I think I’m ready to get back into the game and have some fun! And now Halloween is coming up. Woohoo! Parties galore (no worries pictures will be coming).

So I guess I’ll be attending more San Jose Nights parties.

I’ve settled into my apartment in San Francisco, and honestly I don’t think the weather could be any better. Every day here its sunny, but some days I do miss London (UK). But most of my friends are here in the city, and hanging out with them is definitely fun. I never thought the City could be so interesting.

I ended up writing some music today, but I’m not 100% sure its not rubbish yet. In other words it needs some definite work. I’ll post that soon as well.

I am still writing the Noir part, and will shortly return to writing it regularly. At the moment I am far too busy with so many things to concentrate just on one thing.

Anyhow its my boy Raj’s birthday this weekend so happy birthday Raj (can’t wait for the fun to start!).

So for now ciao, I’ll be back soon.